


Everything's Meant To Be Broken

by stavwithme



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-23 20:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11997858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stavwithme/pseuds/stavwithme
Summary: Waverly Earp meets Nicole at a university party. Despite Nicole's attempts at staying away, their worlds seem to collide more often than intended. Especially when Waverly is drunk and Nicole just always seems to be right there.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> I hadn't written in so long and then, in practically one night, I wrote 6 chapters. I still haven't finished the last two, but I do intend on making it 8 chapters long.
> 
> I apologise for the writing quality, though. I'm so out of practice that it seemed that I couldn't get down on paper what was in my head. Isn't that always the problem?
> 
> Sorry the first chapter is so short, too.
> 
> By the way, English is not my first language, so I apologise for any silly mistakes. I haven't proofread it, either.
> 
> Hope you still enjoy it and stick around!
> 
> (Btw, I am thinking of making a small playlsit with some of the most important songs I listened to while writing this story. If you would be interested in that let me know? Idk)

“I’m so excited, this is going to be amazeballs!” Wynonna rolls her eyes at her sister, turning to look at her in the backseat.

“Right, that’s the word.” Dolls, who is driving, chuckles at the interaction between the two sisters and rests his hand on Wynonna’s knee, squeezing it. Waverly notices the exchange but looks out the window, not wanting to make her sister uncomfortable.

Wynonna had introduced Dolls to Waverly last year, as her friend. They had met at university, on their very first week. It wasn’t easy for Wynonna to get along with someone, besides Doc, but it seemed that they had it off right from the beginning. Waverly was happy for her sister at the time. She was even happier when Wynonna came home for the summer and confirmed that they were “a thing”. Dolls was good for her and Waverly was appreciative of that. Despite the differences between her and her sister, she loved her and only wanted the best for her.

“Earth to Waves.” Wynonna waves her hand in front of Waverly’s face, pulling her out of the car. She follows the couple into the house, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. Waverly has just finished her first week of university. Apart from her sister and her friends, she doesn't know anyone, yet. Well, she does know her roommate, Rosita. She seems nice, but this first week, Waverly has only seen her twice. And Rosita was leaving their dorm both times. So even acquainted sounds like a lose term to describe their relationship. “Welcome to your first college party, baby girl.” Wynonna throws her arm around Waverly’s shoulders and guides them towards the drinks station, handing a red cup to her sister. “Let’s get warmed up.”

Waverly toasts with her sister and brings the cup to her mouth, the familiarity relaxing her. She wasn’t an avid drinker, but she did enjoy an occasional beer or vodka and soda. She takes another sip of her beer and follows her friends to what appeared to be the living room. “Beer pong. Let’s go, baby girl.”

“I don’t- I don’t think I’ll be any good, Wynonna.”

“Of course you will, you’re my sister. And the point is to get drunk, so just relax.” Waverly nods and follows her sister. Doc was playing, another friend of Wynonna’s. She watched as he high-fived his teammate, after throwing the ball into their opponent’s last cup. Waverly is no longer paying attention to Doc, though. 

Her eyes are now locked on the redhead standing next to him. She is tall, her hair barely reaching her shoulders. Wynonna grabs her sister's hand and pulls her towards Doc and the redhead. She hugs them both.

“Well, if it isn’t the best Earp.” Doc says, smiling at Waverly. Wynonna smacks Doc’s arm and Waverly laughs, hugging him. “This is Nicole, I believe your rude sister has not introduced you.”

“Hi, I’m Waverly.” She pulls her hand out, earning a quick shake from Nicole. The girl barely looks at her before returning to her spot, behind the beer pong table. Waverly follows her sister to the opposite end of the table and grabs the ping pong ball, sighing. “Here goes nothing.”

\\\

Waverly did better than she had anticipated, having managed to beat her sister’s friends. Throughout the game, she could not help but watch Nicole. Despite being at a party, she did not seem excited to be here. And one thing that struck Waverly as odd was that Doc was the one drinking all of the cups, Nicole just stuck to the drink in the red cup in her hand. After a few games, Waverly lost her sister, so she decided to find a bathroom upstairs to take a break from everything that was happening downstairs.

Waverly looks in the mirror, her vision slightly blurry. She had probably drunk more tonight than all of the other times she had drunk alcohol. Waverly tries to fix herself as best as she can, although she is at the stage where she does not care how she looks, anymore. She opens the door to the bathroom and walks out, bumping against someone.

“Oh, sorry!” Her voice is louder than she intended. She looks up to find a now familiar face staring down at her. “It’s you, Miss Rude Face.”

“Miss Rude Face?” Nicole repeats, a smirk on her lips.

“I’m drunk.” Waverly means to say she was sorry.

“That is some shocking information.” Nicole is standing too close to her and Waverly is not sure why but it is making her cheeks turn red.

“See? Rude.” The redhead moves even closer. She smells citrusy and Waverly feels her cheeks burn. “You don’t really know me, Earp.”

“I need to sit down.” Waverly can feel her cheeks burning, she has definitely had too much to drink. She ignores Nicole and walks further down the hall, finding an empty room. She doesn’t notice Nicole following her until the redhead enters the room, behind her. Waverly sits down on the floor, leaning her back against the bed.

“You do know the bed is more comfortable, right?”

“I need a flat surface. It makes sense in my head.” Waverly adds seeing the look on Nicole’s face.

“You Earp sisters are something else.”

“How do you know my sister? She never mentioned you. And it’s not like she has a long list of friends.” Waverly regrets saying it the moment it came out. Drunk Waverly doesn’t seem to be very considerate.

“Her “boyfriend””, Nicole air quotes, rolling her eyes “is my roommate. We share an apartment just off campus. We rarely hang out, though. If I’m being honest, I don’t know why I came to this party.” Nicole realises she is talking too much and Waverly probably only asked because she couldn’t find any other topic of conversation.

“I can tell you’re not the university party kind person.”

“Why? Because of my rude face?” Nicole asks, raising her eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, I swear that’s not-“

“Relax. I’m just joking, Waverly.” Waverly likes the way her name rolls off of Nicole’s tongue. She likes how soothing her voice is, how her eyes spark even in the low light. She especially enjoys the dimples that form when she smiles, even if it’s just momentarily.

Waverly forces herself to snap out of it. “So, why didn’t you want to come tonight?” 

“It’s just not my thing. Doc kind of forced me to it.” Nicole takes a sip of her cup. How is she still holding onto that red cup? “Actually, I was just about to leave when I ran into you, so…”

“Wait.” Waverly grabs Nicole’s hand but immediately lets go, missing the warmth from it. “Sorry. I just, could you just help me find my sister first?” Waverly can see the indecision on Nicole’s face. “Nevermind, of course you can go. How hard can it-“

“Okay.” Nicole interrupts, nodding. “Come on, Earp.”

\\\

“I think it’s even more crowded than before.” Waverly bumps against a couple of people, trying to make her way through. Nicole holds her hand out and Waverly takes it, her fingers easily sliding in between Nicole’s. Waverly tries not to think much of it, knowing Nicole is only holding her hand to make it easier for them to move through the crowd.

“What do we have here?” A guy pushes himself against Nicole, forcing the girls to stop. Waverly can immediately tell he is under the influence. “The semester barely started and you already have another fish in the hook.”

“Get out of my face, Champ.” Nicole hisses, squeezing Waverly’s absentmindedly.

“You know better than to come here, Haught, and flaunt all of that” The guy motions between the girls, “in our faces.”

Nicole’s hand is no longer holding Waverly’s. Instead, it’s pressed up against the guy’s chest and she is pushing him back against the wall. Suddenly, everyone has stopped what they were doing and is staring at them. Before either of them say or do anything else, Dolls pulls Nicole apart from the guy, quickly pulling her out of the house. Waverly follows, Wynonna and Doc joining immediately afterwards.

“I really don’t think that’s how you want to start this year.” Nicole avoids Dolls gaze, moving away from him. She is now pacing back and forth, her hands turned into fists.

“I really don’t care.” Her face is full of anger, but her voice is breaking. Waverly looks at Wynonna and Doc, who both seem to know what has just happened. Waverly is the only oblivious one then, great.

“Come on, it’s time to get home.” Nicole ignores as they start walking towards the car, fixing her gaze on Waverly. Waverly can’t look away, somehow feeling like it was her fault.

“I think I’m going to walk home, actually. I’ll see you.” Waverly watches Nicole leave, confused as to why a part of her wishes she had followed her.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! Thank you so much for the feedback on the first chapter, I NEVER imagined it would be so well-received right from the start. Hopefully it keeps going up and doesn't let you down.
> 
> There is a time jump at the beginning of this chapter, so I could get the story to where I wanted it to go.
> 
> Btw, I did create the playlist, so here's the link in case you're interested. ( https://open.spotify.com/user/stavwithme/playlist/043Au2D2Cu3jqdfOO0I2rM )
> 
> Thank you all so much, I can't express enough how amazing all of your feedback was. I really hope I don't let you down.
> 
> PS: The timeline may not make a lot of sense to you, because I am sort of mixing both my Portuguese experience with whatever information I have from USA's University style. So the exams and the calendar I sometimes describe throughout the story may not make a lot of sense to you, even if it does to me. Just try not to think that much into it, since it's not the most relevant thing.

The first month at university was not hard. Waverly quickly fell into a routine, balancing her time between her friends and her schoolwork pretty decently. Rosita, her roommate, often invited her to go to parties with her, but Waverly was always ready to use the studying as an excuse not to go. Truth was, ever since her first experience at that party, she had lost all interest in going to another one. She and her friends would hang out at Doc’s often, since, according to Wynonna, ‘he has the less shitty apartment’”.

The second month, however, arrived like a storm and it seemed like the stress was starting to get to her. She was locking herself in her dorm practically every time she wasn't in class. But Rosita was constantly interrupting her, making it hard for her to concentrate. Waverly did try the library, but unless she arrived at 8am, which was unthinkable due to her schedule, it was like mission impossible trying to find an available spot for her.

“I just don’t know what I am going to do.” Waverly threw her head back on the couch, closing her eyes. “My first round of exams are coming and I can’t focus.”

“I already told you I would offer my apartment, but I don’t think it would be much of an improvement, baby girl.” Dolls rolls the die, landing on Wynonna’s hotel. “Haha, pay up bitch!”

“I know and I wouldn’t want to impose. I think I’ll just try another cafe or something.” It's Waverly's turn rolling the die.

“You could use my apartment.” Waverly looks at Dolls questioningly. “I’m always at Wynonna’s, you’d have the house to yourself.”

“What about Nicole?” Apart from the party, Waverly had only ran into Nicole across campus a couple of times. She had awkwardly waved her hello, but Nicole never acknowledged her existence. She only knew the ginger was alive because Dolls would mention her sporadically. The first time they came over to Doc’s, she asked if Nicole would be joining them. They all laughed in her face, but to this day she still doesn’t know what was funny about her question.

“She’s barely home, too.” Dolls shrugs. “Between practice, uni and work she really only uses the apartment to sleep, so you should be fine.”

Waverly had also found out that Nicole was part of the university soccer team. She refrained from asking any questions regarding Nicole after they laughed in her face the first time. But her curiosity towards the girl made her absorb any little detail her friends would mention about her. Because of that, she had put fragments of their conversations together, realising that the redhead was, in fact, a member of the soccer team. She was alwasy eager to hear Nicole's name being mentioned in a conversation, so she could learn more about the girl. She just didn’t know why.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be a bother?”

“Of course not, little Earp. I’ll get you a key the next couple of days and you can just use it whenever.”

Waverly drops down from the couch and side-hugs Dolls, who is three times her size. “Thank you so much, you’ve just saved my life.”

\\\ 

Waverly had been taking refugee at Doll’s apartment for the last week and a half and not once had she ran into Nicole. She didn’t understand what was it about Nicole that had her thinking about her all the time, but the moment she heard a key through the door she knew her luck had changed.

“What the fuck?” Nicole enters the living room holding a baseball bat in the air, running her hand through her hair in relief when seeing Waverly. “What the fuck, Earp?”

“Oops, sorry.” Waverly gets up from the couch rising her hands up in the air, letting out a small laugh. “I-I thought Doc would have told you.”

“That you moved in?” Nicole asks, sarcastically.

“He let me come here to study. I’ve been coming here for the last week or so.”

“Don’t you have an apartment?” Waverly is taken back by Nicole’s rude tone.

“Dorm, actually. And, uh, my roommate makes it a little hard for me to concentrate. But you’re right, Dolls said it would be fine but I should have talked to you. I mean it’s your apartment, too.” Waverly starts gathering her things. This is not how she had hoped their first encounter in months would go. “I didn’t mean to startle you, I’ll be out of-“

“Do you always talk this much?”

“Excuse me?”

“Last time I thought it was because you were drunk, but turns out you just talk a lot.”

“I tend to talk a lot when I’m nervous.”

“So I make you nervous.” It isn’t a question. Waverly stares at Nicole across the room, unsure on what to do next. “Just, stay. I just came to take a shower before work, anyway.”

Nicole’s words make Waverly notice that Nicole is not wearing traditional clothes. Instead, she is wearing her soccer shorts and t-shirt. And she is sweaty, which makes the clothing items stick to her body and draw out her curves. Waverly shouldn’t be staring, she shouldn’t be noticing how Nicole’s abs are traced by the fabric of the shirt perfectly or how toned her biceps are when she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Waverly?”

“What? Uh, yeah. Soccer, you play soccer. That’s lovely. I shall study, then.” Nicole stares at the girl across the room, confused.

“I will never get you Earps.” Nicole disappeares into the hallway and Waverly drops her head down on the table, cursing under her breath.

\\\

“Hi, Waverly!” Waverly turns around, seeing Jeremy. “How’d it go?”

“Better than expected.” She smiles, relieved that one of her exams was done. In reality, she had aced it, but she was not one to brag. “How about you?”

“I think I did well, too. Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to have a celebratory drink with me, tonight?” Jeremy is a sweetheart, and the idea of letting lose for a night does appeal to Waverly. 

“Oh, sure? I could use a night out.”

“So I’ll pick you up at 10pm?”

“10pm sounds good, Jeremy.”

“Great, I’ll see you later.” Waverly smiles, nodding. 

“See you later.”

\\\

“Are you stalking me, Earp?” Waverly turns away from Jeremy and looks at the person behind the bar, her voice breaking.

“What? No, no. Nicole, hi. No. I didn’t- I didn’t know you worked here.”

“So, what can I get you?”

“A vodka soda, please.” Nicole looks from Waverly to Jeremy and Waverly suddenly remembers Jeremy is also there. “Oh, right. Jeremy, this is Nicole. Nicole, Jeremy.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Nicole.” Jeremy extends his hand out, but Nicole ignores it. “Right. I’ll have a beer.”

“Coming right up.” Nicole looks at Waverly before leaving to prepare their drinks.

“She seems nice.” Jeremy remarks, not sounding convincing at all.

“She can be?” Waverly laughs, shrugging. “She is friends with my sister, I guess?”

“Wait, is she Nicole Haught?” Waverly raises her eyebrow, nodding. “I have heard of her. Everyone knows who Nicole Haught is.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Haven’t you heard what happened last year?” Before Waverly can reply, Nicole arrives with their drinks. Two drinks in, Jeremy excuses himself to go to the bathroom and Nicole approaches Waverly, handing her another drink.

“Having fun?” Nicole asks, handing Waverly her drink.

“This is not a date.” Waverly blurts out. “Not that you asked.” Waverly whispers, looking down at her drink.

“Good to know.” Nicole grins, leaning her elbows on the bar top. She is definitely too close to Waverly. “How’d your exam go?” Waverly smiles at the thought that Nicole is keeping up with her schedule. “You left your calendar back at my apartment.” Nicole explains, not wanting to sound stalkery.

“Right. Well, I think it went well.” Waverly takes a sip of her drink as Jeremy returns.

“Well, I’ll leave you guys to it.” Waverly nods and turns to Jeremy. She makes sure to keep Nicole in her peripheral vision.

\\\

Another round of drinks in, Jeremy suggests they leave. Waverly looks at the clock on the wall behind Jeremy. It marks 2:45am. Her eyes fall down to Nicole, who is standing all the way across the bar. She is already looking at Waverly and their eyes meet. “I think I’m going to stay a little while longer.”

“Are you sure?” Jeremy looks confused. “How will you get home?”

“I’ll just call a cab. Or my sister.” Jeremy doesn’t need to know that the second isn’t an option.

“I really don’t feel good about that. I can stay longer.”

“Hey,” Waverly brings her hand to his arm, reassuring. Also, she knows Nicole is watching and wants to see what kind of reaction it will spark in her. If any at all. “It’s okay. You have to drive all the way back home and it’s getting late. I understand, but I really want to have one more drink. I promise I will text you when I get home, okay?” Jeremy looks down, sighing.

“I guess. But please be safe, okay?”

“Don’t worry. Thanks for tonight, by the way.” Jeremy smiles, hugging her.

“Okay. Don’t forget to text me. Bye, Waverly.” She turns to find Nicole already standing next to her.

“So he just left you here alone?”

“I’m not alone. There’s like 10 other people here.” Waverly gestures to the few remaining people at the bar. “And you’re here, too.”

“You’re already slumbering a few words.” Nicole hands her a glass of water. “Was it worth it?”

“What do you mean?” Waverly gulps down the water.

“The non-date. You guys seemed to be having fun.”

“Were you watching?” Waverly grins, being the one to lean over the bar, this time.

“No.” Nicole answers way too fast.

“Oh. I would have liked it if you were.” 

“I don’t think you are aware of what you’re saying.” Nicole glances at the clock, sighing. “Alright, let’s get you home.”

“No, I don’t need a babysitter.” Waverly pouts, making Nicole laugh.

“That’s cute.” Nicole says, not too sarcastically. “Give me just a second to change and I’ll be right back, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

Waverly lays her head down on the bar, waiting. She feels a hand on her back, chills running down her spine. “Hey, Waverly. Are you okay?”

“Mhm, just sleepy.” Waverly relaxes under Nicole’s touch, smiling.

“You really are a lightweight.” Nicole laughs, throwing Waverly’s arm around her shoulders. “Come on, let me get you home.” Waverly lets Nicole guide her to her truck, leaning her head against the window, once she is inside.

“You know,” Waverly mumbles, once Nicole gets in the truck, “we should stop meeting like this. It seems like I’m always drunk when we meet.”

“That’s okay, you’re a nice drunk.”

Waverly pauses for a few seconds, pressing her lips together, while she thinks. “Do you only like me when I’m drunk?” Waverly asks, turning to look at Nicole.

“What? Of course not.” Nicole laughs, but Waverly is serious.

“You barely talked to me these last two months. Is it because of the party, did I do something?” Nicole looks at Waverly.

“I’m not following your logic, Waverly.”

“Why do you keep yourself away from me?”

“It’s not just you.” Nicole whispers, sighing. “It’s just worst with you.”

“I like to think I’m pretty smart, but I really don’t understand you. And it’s not because I’m drunk.” Nicole decides it’s best not to answer and, instead, turns the stereo louder.

"I love this song." Waverly closes her eyes, listening to Big Jet Plane.

“We’re here.” Waverly opens her eyes and identifies the building outside.

“I don’t know what it is about you, but there is something about you.”

“Waverly Earp, what a beautiful poem.” Nicole says sarcastically, laughing. She hesitantly brings her hand up to Waverly’s cheek, stroking it with her thumb.

Waverly feels her whole body burn at Nicole’s touch. Nicole's touch feels like she had found what she had been missing all along, without even knowing it. Waverly leans her body closer to Nicole's side. She grabs Nicole's hand that is on her face and brings it to her lips. She places a soft kiss on Nicole’s hand and looks at Nicole. “What are you doing to me?”

Nicole lets her thumb trace Waverly’s lips and she bites her own. She knows better than to let herself be this vulnerable, , this intimate, especially with someone she barely knows. But ever since she laid eyes on Waverly she hasn't been able to stop thinking about her.

“You’re drunk.” Nicole whispers, not wanting to take advantage of the situation. “You should go to bed.”

“Come with me. To sleep, I mean.” Waverly adds, growing red.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Waverly looks down and Nicole places her hand on her chin, making Waverly look up at her. “I don’t want you to wake up sober tomorrow and regret it. Okay?”

Waverly smiles. Nicole is being respectful of her feelings and she appreciates it. But it also only makes her like her even more. Waverly slightly turns her head, placing a kiss on the hand that was still on her chin. “Okay. Will you promise you will talk to me when I’m sober?”

Nicole watches Waverly, feling bad for making Waverly feel like she has to ask that question. If only she knew that Nicole spends her days thinking about the time she found Waverly at her apartment, hoping that she will run into her again, so she can see her one more time. “I promise.”

“Thank you for the ride.” Without thinking twice, Waverly leans her body closer to Nicole’s and plants a kiss on her cheek. Nicole doesn't have time to react, when she turns to Waverly she is already running towards the door of her building. Nicole watches Waverly step safely into the building and leans her head against the seat.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Waverly Earp.”


	3. three

2nd December 2005. 12 years. Waverly has been staring at the calendar that is hanging on her wall the entire morning. Rosita was away with her friends for the weekend, so Waverly had taken the morning off to finally study in her dorm. It was the first time these past weeks she didn’t have to take refuge at Doll’s. However, she had not been able to study anything, and the morning had just gone to waste.

Waverly sighs, wiping away the single tear that managed to escape. She looks away from the calendar and tries to call Wynonna. No answer. She grabs her bag and leaves, with no destination.

\\\

By the time she realises where she is, she doesn't feel like walking all the way back to her dorm. She doesn’t know why she came here, but she is too tired to think. She opens the door to Doll's apartment and numbingly walks into the living room, startled when she finds a person already sitting on the couch.

“Oh.” She gasps, almost inaudibly.

“Waverly, hi.” Nicole turns away from her books and flashes a smile at Waverly. The smile quickly drops from her face when she sees Waverly's expression. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Nicole is already standing in front of Waverly before she manages to find the words. When she looks up at Nicole everything that she has been holding in escapes her body and she finds herself sobbing against Nicole’s chest.

Nicole wraps her arms tightly around Waverly, rubbing her back. “You’re so cold.” Nicole whispers, and Waverly realises that she left her dorm with no coat on, in the middle of the winter. Now that Nicole made her pay attention to it, she feels her entire body freeze up, which only makes her cry more and her chest hurt more. “Sh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Nicole’s voice is calm against Waverly’s ear.

When Waverly runs out of tears and exhaustion takes over her body, she slightly pulls away, thankful that Nicole’s hands remain on her arms. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, looking down at her feet. Out of all people, it was just Waverly's luck to have a breakdown in front of Nicole. As if it wasn’t enough for Nicole to constantly see Waverly drunk, she now had this other side of her to add to the list.

“Don’t apologise.” Nicole’s thumb wipes away the tear rolling down Waverly’s cheek, her hands cupping Waverly’s face. She momentarily lets go, reaching for the closest sweater. It just so happens to be the one that was lying on the couch where Nicole had previously been studying before having been interrupted by Waverly. “Here.” It’s Nicole's favourite sweater. It’s a tie dye black and red model, with “Nirvana” and “Nevermind” written across from it. Waverly throws it on and Nicole thinks she likes the sweater even more now that she got to see it on Waverly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Waverly nods. She doesn’t want to bother Nicole, but she somehow is the one person Waverly wants to talk to. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to distract you. You were studying.”

Nicole grabs Waverly’s hands and guides her to the couch, sitting down next to her. “Stop apologising.”

“I’m sorry.” Nicole gives Waverly a look and, for the first time today, she laughs. Waverly looks down at their hands, at how Nicole’s thumb caresses her skin. She closes her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. The sweater she is wearing smells like Nicole and the warmth radiating from it soothes her soul, somehow.

“Do you want me to call Wynonna?”

“No.” Waverly answers, fast. “No. It’s just… Today’s December 2nd.” Nicole raises her eyebrow but allows for Waverly to continue. “When I was younger, six to be exact, I used to love these little lollies. Push Pop, it was the name. I know it’s silly, with so many things to like, why was I obsessed with those things?

Anyway. There was only one store that sold them in Purgatory. It was all the way across town. One morning,” Waverly stops herself, taking a deep breath to make sure she doesn’t burst out in tears again, “I was throwing a fit, because I didn’t want to go to school. I was never one to throw tantrums, but there was a girl in school that was kind of mean and I just didn’t feel like going to school that morning. But I didn’t want to tell my mum…” 

Nicole squeezes Waverly’s hands reassuringly and Waverly looks into her eyes, gulping. “You see, the thing you need to know about my mother is that she was the sweetest soul, you know? I don’t think she ever showed anger towards someone. She was just always poised and understanding and calm. So when I threw that tantrum, she didn’t get mad at me.

Instead, she convinced me to go and suggested we made a quick detour over to the store so she could buy me a Push Pop, because she knew that would make me feel better.” Waverly closes her eyes, reliving the memories. “So we did. I waited in the car, while she went inside to get me my candy. I waited and I waited,” Waverly’s chin started quivering and she could feel the tears stream back down her face, “but she never came out.

It wasn’t until I heard the police sirens that I felt my heart sink into my stomach. And I was only six, so I wasn’t sure of what was happening. I don’t even remember it properly. It’s all just a big blur. I could hear the sirens in the back of my mind, I still remember the police officer who stayed with me. I don’t remember a word of what she said, I just heard something in the back of my mind about a robbery and someone getting shot. I only really understood what had happened when I was at the hospital, staring at my mum as she laid in bed, her eyes closed, with all of these tubes and wires keeping her alive. I think it only hit me when I saw my father and my sister holding onto her body, crying.”

Nicole’s hand finds its way back to Waverly’s face and she strokes it, feeling her own eyes start to water. “Wynonna was only 7, I don’t think she quite understood it either. And I think that’s why she started rebelling, in her own way, you know? I know she doesn’t blame me, anymore. Although, I understand why she may have in the past. I still blame myself. But we are so close now. It took us a lot of effort and years apart to be able to get to this place." Waverly realises she has just dropped her life story on Nicole. "And I basically just interrupted your studies to depress you with my silly life story.” Waverly gets up from the couch but Nicole grabs her hand.

“I am so sorry, Waves.” Waverly smiles at the nickname, looking down into Nicole’s eyes. “I really am. And I know you’ve heard it and it probably means nothing coming from me, but it was not your fault. You are one of the strongest, sweetest people I know and I really wish I could change this for you and make you not go through that.”

“You don’t know me that well.” Waverly whispers.

“I know enough.” Waverly sits back down next to Nicole.

“How do you do this?” Nicole looks at Waverly, confused. “Make me feel better so easily. It seems like you’re always at the right place, at the right time.”

“I didn’t do anything, just listened.” Nicole says, intertwining her fingers with Waverly's.

“Which means more than you know. It’s more than most people have ever done.”

“I don’t know how. I guarantee you that any person who has come across you in their life - you have impacted their life in some way. It’s impossible not to be phased by you, Waverly.”

“I think you’re the only one who feels that way.” Waverly bites her lip and leans in closer, her eyes darting over to Nicole’s lips. “You’re the only one that matters, at least.”

Nicole smiles and leans closer, her lips tingling where Waverly’s breath meets them. She runs her hand through Waverly’s hair and closes her eyes, her lips inching closer to Waverly’s before they both pull away, startled by Waverly’s ringtone.

Waverly looks at the screen, clearing her throat. “It’s Wynonna.” She looks apologetically at Nicole before answering the phone. “Hey, Wynonna. Yeah, I figured you were. Don’t apologise, dinner sounds great.” Nicole decides to give her a little privacy and walks towards the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water.

She watches Waverly from afar. She has now known Wynonna for about a year and she had no idea their mother had passed away. Especially not under these circumstances. Truth is, Wynonna doesn’t know much about Nicole’s family, either. She sighs. They are both closed off and guarded, she can’t hold that against Wynonna. She knows that if she ever needs something – not that she would ever ask – Wynonna is one of the probably three people she could turn to. 

‘Four people’. She corrects herself. She may not know much about Waverly, she may have tried to stay away from her ever since the moment they met. But deep down in her core, Nicole knows that if there is one person she can count on, it’s Waverly. And she hopes Waverly feels the same towards her. She hopes that what just happened this morning wasn’t just a ‘oh, you’re the first person I’ve encountered so let me spill my trauma on you’ kind of thing. 

Maybe she is selfish for thinking that. Maybe she should just feel happy that she could be there for Waverly, when she needed someone. She is happy. She does want Waverly to be happy. But she has also found herself wanting to be the cause of that happiness. She has wondered whether or not to tell Waverly for the past weeks, but she knows that if she tells her she will just scare her off. So, maybe, she should just stick to being a better friend and forget about the feeling she gets whenever she sees Waverly. How her stomach turns and she feels goosebumps all over her body. How she finds Waverly’s smile the most beautiful sight in the world, how she loves how she squints her eyes when she genuine smiles. That smile could save the world. It has saved Nicole’s world, that’s for sure.

“Nicole?”

“Uh?” Nicole turns to find Waverly standing leaning against the kitchen door. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said thank you. For you know, listening and not judging me.”

“Why would I judge you?” Waverly shrugs and Nicole walks over to her, resting her index finger on Waverly’s chin. “Look at me.” Waverly looks up and Nicole stares into her eyes, feeling her knees get weak. “You are amazing and I hate to see even a hint of pain in your eyes. I know I can’t change what happened and make it less painful, but I am here for you. For whatever you need.”

Waverly nods, unable to break eye contact. “I am glad that I ended up here, this morning.” Waverly confesses.

“I am glad I was here. Studying, for once.” They both laugh and Nicole steps away from Waverly. It is taking everything she has not to pull Waverly into her and kiss her. “Lunch?”

“What?”

“I think I’m going to order in some pizza. Do you want to maybe stay and eat with me?”

Waverly looks at Nicole, nodding. “I can never say no to pizza.”

\\\

“I can’t believe you did that.” Waverly laughs, almost choking on her pizza.

“He was being rude. A lot of drunkies think they can just say whatever and I have to put up with it because I’m just a bartender and I’m there to serve them. So I make sure they know better.”

“By turning the water tap on, on them.” Waverly says between laughs. “I would pay to see that.”

“Waverly Earp, you know I would let you see that free of charge.” Nicole takes a bite of her pizza slice, smiling.

“Oh wow, I feel so special now.” 

“You are.” Nicole breaks the eye contact, clearing her throat.

“What happened last year?” Nicole chokes at Waverly's question, bringing the glass of water to her mouth.

“What do you mean?”

Waverly shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe it’s none of my business. I just, everyone seems to know you, and at that party, that guy seemed like he wanted to fight-“

“Champ’s a bully.”

“I know.” Waverly doesn’t know, she has no idea who he is. But she does believe Nicole is not the one at fault here, even if she doesn’t know what she is being blamed for. “I just have been wondering. I know this "I’m fine on my own" thing is just a facade. I just don’t know why you feel like you have to stay away from everyone.”

Waverly waits but Nicole remains silent. Of course Waverly had to go and not keep her big mouth shut and ruin whatever it is this was. Just because she had told Nicole about her ghosts, it did not give her the right to demand Nicole to do the same. Waverly stands up and runs a hand through her long hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Maybe I should go.”

Nicole grabs Waverly’s hand, a gesture that seems to be reoccurring today. “Stay. If you want to leave after I tell you, I will let you go.” Waverly doesn’t want Nicole to let her go. She knows there isn’t anything Nicole can tell her that will make her want to leave, but she keeps that thought to herself.

“I don’t know where to start.” Nicole whispers. She has never had to talk about this out loud and the fear that Waverly may never look at her the same way, makes her throat almost close.

“It’s okay, just take your time.” Waverly rubs Nicole’s thigh, their knees touching.

“I didn’t know a single person when I got here, last year. Which, for me, was a good thing. I had decided that I was going to get a fresh start and that I would finally be proud of who I am. Or at least try. The first person I met was Champ, which, if you knew him a little, you’d know how unlikely of a combination that is. I joined the girls soccer team and he joined the guys' and, I don’t know, we just started getting along at sports gatherings and all of that.

I never thought of him as my friend, but he was the person I would hang out with the most. That was until he started getting a lot of attention from everyone, because of soccer. So did I, don’t get me wrong. And of course it was nice to have everyone know your name and invite you to parties or this and that. But deep down, I didn’t care about that. I just wanted to play soccer, go to classes and have a decent social life.

Anyway. By thanksgiving, Champ already had a lot of friends – or followers, if you want to be more exact – and I just hung out with them, for lack of a better option. But the more I did, the more I realised just how empty in the head they were. They thought they were better than everyone, that everyone had to bow down at their feet and whatsoever, you know the type. I just didn’t relate to that and, luckily, I met Dolls around that time and started hanging out with him more. That made Champ jealous. Because if I, the most praised soccer player at this school, was not associated with him anymore, not all of the attention would be on him, anymore. I am rambling, I am so sorry.” Nicole sighs, her body falling against the back of the couch. Waverly shakes her head, smiling gently.

“I hate this Champ guy." Waverly says. "Ever since the party I have had a bad feeling about him.” Nicole laughs and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Basically, the more I grew apart from Champ, the more he made sure that if I wasn’t with him I was against him. So it started with little things. Like little jokes that weren’t so funny. And little disses on my playing, or my friends. He just always had some comment to make. It would go by unnoticed by everyone, but I knew what he meant, I knew he was bothered and it would only get worse. Which it did.” Nicole takes a deep breath, closing her eyes.

“I met this girl in January and we grew really close. I fell in love with her - or so I thought. We were discrete about it, because she wasn’t out to anyone and I respected that. I just wanted to be with her. Champ was so keen on keeping track of my life that I think he probably picked up on some clues and put two and two together.”

“I guess he isn’t as dumb as I thought.” Waverly hisses and Nicole lets out a dry laugh.

“Not when he is obsessed with something. And once he realised I was gay, he knew exactly how to get me. He knew no one would care if he just announced that I was gay to everyone, though. I don’t think it would have been that much of a surprise. So basically, I got to campus one day and this video of me and Shae making out in my car was playing basically everywhere and on everyone’s phone. Not only he filmed us without our consent, he used it to shame us. And it worked, because she was so upset when she got to campus and saw the video that she ran off on me.

I tried to tell her that I had nothing to do with it, but I wasn’t fast enough and she got in her car and drove away. The next time I heard from her, she was at the hospital. She had been in a car accident. I was so upset, I was so... Angry. I was angry. So I obviously drowned my feelings in alcohol. And, of course, when I got drunk I went and confronted Champ about it at a random party they were having on campus. He called me some nasty things. But worst of all, he called Shae nasty things. When she had nothing to do with this. She had never done anything to him. She was just a casualty from his so called vengeance on me. All because I found myself some friends and realised how much of a jerk he was?!” Nicole breathes in again, she can feel her blood boiling.

“I didn't handle it the best way. I lost control and ended up in a bad fight with him. He ended up at the hospital with a couple of broken ribs. But of course everyone watched the fight and the next day rumours were flying around. Because no one really wants to be on Champ’s bad side. I am the best example of what happens if you do. So yeah, that’s how it all started. Of course the rumours got worst and the fact that I alienated myself from practically everyone didn’t help. Some people say I have killed someone. That’s my favourite rumour.” Nicole laughs but she can feel nothing but pain. She had buried everything so deep within herself that this was the first time she was reliving everything and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

“What happened to Shae?” Waverly asks, hesitantly.

“She got better after a few weeks and left town, transferred to New York. I don’t hold it against her.”

“She left you here alone.”

“She couldn’t deal with it. And she shouldn’t have to.”

“Neither should you.” Waverly slides her fingers down Nicole’s arms and slides her fingers in between hers.

“I am fine.” Nicole looks down at their intertwined fingers, stroking Waverly’s hand with her thumb. They stay like that for a while. Nothing but silence in between them. Waverly doesn't know what to say, she doesn't know if Nicole wants her to say anything. 

“I guess today was the day we decided to just tell our life stories to each other.” Waverly laughs, looking up at Nicole.

“I had never told anyone this. Not even your sister or Dolls know the whole story.” Nicole confesses.

“You told me.” Waverly doesn't mean to put emphasis on the me.

“I feel like I can tell you anything. I feel like…”

“Like what?” Waverly asks, practically begging.

“I feel like I can show you all of me. I want to show you all of me.” Nicole corrects, swallowing.

“You can.” In an act of courage, Waverly brings her hand up to Nicole’s face and strokes it, placing a strand of red hair behind her ear.

“Go out with me.”

“What?”

“Go on a date with me, Waverly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this will satisfy you but oh well, at the time I did start the story with another background story for Nicole but as I wrote it it kind of turned into this.
> 
> Unfortunately, stuff like this still happens and I just want to say I am sorry if you have ever been shamed or felt guilty for being who you are. You are loved. I am also sorry if you have ever lost someone close to you.
> 
> I hope you know you're not alone.


	4. four

“How about this?” Waverly holds a dress in front of her body and looks in the mirror.

“They all look the same to me.” Wynonna takes a bite of her apple, throwing her feet up on Waverly’s desk.

“Come on, I need your help” Waverly begs. The last time Waverly had seen Nicole was when she asked her out on a date. They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon together. That was a week ago. 

Waverly promised Nicole they would go on that date, but chose to focus on her final exam first. Nicole was understanding and agreed that it was good to focus on their final exam so they could focus on each other completely. Without any distractions. Waverly’s final exam had been this morning so, the moment she arrived at her dorm, she called her sister freaking out.

“Who is this secret date of yours, anyway?”

“You’ll find out in due time.” Waverly grabs another dress. “Maybe it’s not a dress kind of date. Maybe I should just wear something more casual.”

“Whatever floats your boat.”

“Wow, you are such great help, Wynonna.” Waverly looks at the clock and freaks out. Nicole will be here any minute.

“It’s a gift, really.” Wynonna says sarcastically. “Since when do you listen to Nirvana?” Wynonna asks, seeing a Nirvana Nevermind sweater laying on Waverly’s bed. Waverly turns, looking at the sweater that she had kept since last week.

Before Waverly can answer, there’s a knock on the door. “He’s here.” Wynonna says, opening the door. “Haughtdamn? What are you doing here?”

Nicole is wearing a black top, with a cut just above her cleavage area and some blue jeans that Waverly thinks compliment her legs. Part of her hair is pulled backwards and clipped in place. “Hi, Wynonna.” Nicole smiles, peeking over at Waverly. Waverly is now wearing a burgundy tank top that shows off her belly, some high waisted jeans and a kimono. Nicole almost drools herself on the spot. “Hi, Waves.”

“Waves?” Wynonna looks between her friend and her sister, her jaw dropping open. “No fucking way!”

“So…” Waverly walks past Wynonna and stands next to Nicole, lacing their pinky fingers together. “We thought it would be best to tell you together.”

“Dude, are you boning my sister?!” Wynonna is looking between the girls intertwined hands and their faces.

“Wynonna!” Waverly shouts, although she is blushing.

“Dude, you totally are!”

“Wynonna, this is our first date.” Waverly says, trying to get her to shut up.

“So? I can smell sexual tension a mile away.”

“And we’re leaving.” Waverly pulls Nicole by her hand, leaving a shocked Wynonna in her dorm.

“I’m sorry about her.”

“Waverly, she’s my friend. I think that was a pretty good reaction, if I’m being honest.”

“You do?”

“Your sister is super protective of you. I’m just happy I didn’t get punched in the face.”

“She would n-“ Nicole gives Waverly a look. “Okay, maybe she would.”

\\\

“I still can’t believe you got us reservations for Olivier’s.” Olivier's is the fanciest restaurant in town, if not in the whole state. Maybe Waverly should have gone with the dress, after all.

“I used my powers of persuasion.” Nicole thanks the waiter after he takes away their now empty plates. “A girl that used to work at Shorty’s works here now. She owed me a favour.” She explains. “You look beautiful, Waverly.”

Waverly shyly rests her hand across the table, smiling when Nicole takes it. “You look beautiful, too.”

Nicole looks at their hands, playing with Waverly’s fingers. “Are you interested in dessert?” Waverly nods. “We can have it here. But I do have some ice cream and profiteroles back at my place.”

Nicole tries to sound casual. She did, in fact, plan on walking back home and having dessert there. She knows profiteroles are Waverly’s favourite and she thought it would be a good idea if they ended the night at home, in a more chilled environment. But she also knows how suggestive it sounds and she does not want to scare Waverly.

“I would much prefer to have dessert with you, at home.” Waverly says casually.

\\\

“Here you go.” Nicole hands Waverly a bowl full of profiteroles and sits down on the couch next to her.

“Why, thank you.” Waverly takes a bite, relaxing into the couch. “This is heaven. I swear I could have this for every meal.”

“Clearly.” Nicole laughs, taking a bite of her own. “They’re easy to make.”

“You made these? From scratch?” Waverly says, mouth full. Nicole nods and Waverly rests her hand on Nicole’s knee. “Thank you.”

Nicole looks down at Waverly’s hand. Maybe they shouldn’t have come home for dessert, because every time Waverly touches her, Nicole melts. And, at least, in public she is able to control herself. But there isn’t anyone home, now. It’s just them. Alone, in this apartment. And the way Waverly’s green eyes are looking at Nicole makes it really hard for her not to throw her body over Waverly’s and take her in this couch, right now.

(Un)fortunately, Waverly’s phone rings and Nicole is able to divert her thoughts somewhere else. “I’m sorry.” Waverly sighs and reaches for the phone. “Hello? Wynonna, don’t be rude. At Nicole’s. Yes. No, we did not.” Waverly buries her face in her hand, rubbing her temples. “Fine, I’ll ask her. Yeah, okay. Bye.”

“Everything okay?” Nicole puts her empty bowl on the coffee table, crossing her legs.

“That was Wynonna. They are going over Doc’s in a few and she said and I quote ‘If my friend is done boning you, you both are welcome to come and join us’.” Nicole laughs and Waverly blushes. “This is not funny. She knows we’re on a date. She just wants to go all tough on you and ask you these million questions. And probably me, too.”

“I think,” Nicole pauses, thinking. “I think that if we go and I have a serious talk with your sister, she won’t interrupt any future dates anymore.”

“Future dates?” Waverly grins, biting her lip.

“Well, I assumed- Maybe I shouldn’t assume, I don’t-“

“Hey,” Waverly smiles. For the first time she is the one interrupting Nicole’s ramble and not the other way around. “I loved tonight and I would love to go on another date with you.”

“Good.” Nicole nods, relieved. “So, do you want to go over Doc’s?”

“Do you?”

“I don’t mind. As long as I’m with you, I really don’t care about where we are.” Nicole confesses.

Waverly reaches over and kisses Nicole’s cheek, lingering for a few seconds. “Today was one of the best nights of my life. Thank you.”

Nicole looks at Waverly with a soft smile. “It was my pleasure.”

\\\

“Look who decided to come, after all.” Doc smiles, hugging Waverly. “Pinch me and call me a cow.” He says, seeing Nicole standing behind Waverly. Despite considering Nicole a friend, Doc had already gotten used to her not being involved in their nights. Even if she ever wanted to come, she was usually working at the bar. So seeing her standing in his door was a first. “I’m glad you came, Haught.” Nicole smiles as Doc hugs her.

“Thanks, Doc. Thank you for the invite.” She steps in behind Waverly.

“Oh, come on now. You know my house is always open for you.” Nicole nods, appreciative.

“You and I are going to have a talk. Now.” Wynonna throws her arm around Nicole’s shoulders, pulling her away from the group. They walk into Doc’s room and Wynonna steps in front of Nicole, unsure of what to make of this.

“Listen, I-“

“Zip that gorgeous lips of yours. I am doing the talking.” Nicole nods, shutting up. “I don’t know how this,” she points between Nicole and the door, referring to her sister “just happened. Hell, I didn’t even know my sister was into girls. But I do know that I have never seen my sister look at someone the way she looked at you, when you came to pick her up this evening. I am not going to get all sappy about it, I trust both you and her to know what you’re doing. But I do not want my sister to be dragged into something without having her know what she is getting into.”

“She knows about Shae. And Champ. She- she also told me about your mother. I am sorry, Wyn.” Nicole can see Wynonna’s eyes getting teary.

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you.” Wynonna clears her throat and changes the subject back to Waverly. “Anyway, I know you like to act all tough, but I know you. You’re one of the few people I actually like. So I can see why my sister likes you. So please treat her right, because the list of people I like really can’t get any shorter than it is.”

Nicole laughs, nodding her head. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Okay. I feel like we should hug it out.” Nicole smiles and wraps her arms around her friend, sighing relieved.

Wynonna pulls away, clearing her throat. “If you tell anyone about this exchange I will gladly punch your head up your anus.”

 

“It’ll be our secret. Thank you.” Wynonna opens the room door, slapping Nicole’s butt when she walks out.

“Waverly’s a lucky girl.” She mutters. Nicole walks into the living room laughing at Wynonna’s remark and Waverly smiles, relieved. 

“You’re alive, so am I to assume it went well?” Nicole chuckles, tucking a strand of Waverly’s hair behind her ear.

“I guess so.” Waverly offers Nicole a beer but Nicole shakes her head. “I don’t drink, thank you.” Waverly raises her eyebrow. “I told you what happened last time I drank.” Nicole clears her throat, remembering the night she sent Champ to the hospital.

“That explains why Doc drank all the cups at beer pong.” Waverly states, low.

“You remember that?” Nicole smiles, biting her lip. Nicole knows Waverly remembers that party, she had brought it up a couple of times. But she was pretty sure she would not remember their game of beer pong, especially considering how Waverly was a little drunk by the end of it. 

Nicole remembers everything. She remembers the moment she first laid eyes on Waverly. She remembers how, despite not wanting to be at the party, watching Waverly had, somehow, made it easier. She remembers how hard it was for her to not pay attention to Waverly and how embarrassed she felt when they ran into each other at the bathroom.  
She had never felt that awkward next to someone. But it seemed like Waverly had that power over her. Not in a bad way. But it definitely seemed like she could not focus on anything or anyone else when Waverly was next to her. Even now, Waverly threw her off her game.

“Of course I remember.” Waverly gets on her tip toes, whispering in Nicole’s ear. “We beat you.”

“By one cup!” Nicole laughs as she hears Waverly laugh.

“Lovebirds, mind joining us?” Wynonna shouts from across the room. Waverly takes Nicole’s hand and joins their friends.

“Let’s play Rings of Fire.”

“Nicole doesn’t drink.” Waverly intervenes, proud of herself for now knowing that.

“I know that.” Wynonna says, rolling her eyes. “She can still play. She’ll just remain boringly sober throughout.”

Nicole shrugs, crossing her legs. “I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?” Waverly whispers, looking at her. Nicole nods, smiling. “We can play something else.”

“If we take any longer deciding on what to play I will definitely start getting sober.” Dolls speaks up, spreading the cards in a circle on the floor.

Nicole looks from Waverly to her friends. She hasn't had a drop of alcohol ever since that terrible night. She was never one to drink herself into a coma, but ever since that fight with Champ she was in no state of mind to drink responsibly. So, instead of drowning her sorrows in alcohol, she stopped drinking. It wasn't easy, since she worked at a bar and was surrounded by alcohol every night. But seeing the drunks that went into the bar and drank themselves to sleep every night made it a little easier. She did not want to become one of those people. 

But now that several months had passed, she felt confident in herself that she would be able to drink responsibly without losing control of herself. Nicole looks at Waverly again and smiles. Waverly has helped her heal the remaining wounds she had. If Nicole drinks, the alcohol won't sting anymore. She knows she's ready. "I can have a beer."

Waverly watches Nicole’s face. She doesn’t want to pressure Nicole into anything. Even if Nicole feels comfortable around her friends, she doesn’t want her to feel like she has to do something just for Waverly’s sake. “Are you sure?”

Nicole places her hand on Waverly’s leg, rubbing it. She kisses Waverly's cheek and grabs a beer, smiling reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Waves. It’s just a beer.”

\\\

“Did you really want to drink that beer?” They have just left Doc’s. Nicole is driving Waverly home and Waverly asks the question that has been on her mind the whole night.

“Of course I did.” Nicole looks away from the road, smiling at Waverly. “Stop overthinking it.”

“You had just told me the last time you drank was when… Well, when it all happened. And then you were suddenly interested in having one beer. After months of not drinking?”

Nicole sighs, pulling up to the side of the road. She turns her body so she is facing Waverly. “I know it seemed like I was doing it because I felt pressured. But, truth is, I just felt... Happy. I was hanging out with my friends – with you – for the first time in a while. Without having this constant voice in my head telling me that I did not deserve to be having fun. When I stopped drinking, I did it because I hated how out of control I got that one time.

But with you,” She strokes Waverly’s cheek, “I feel sort of whole again, you know? And I know drinking a beer seems like a silly way of showing that. But to me, it symbolizes how I am able to feel again. How I am not afraid to feel again. Because I do feel all these things for you, Waverly and, for the first time, I am not afraid to. Maybe I was in the beginning, I guess that’s sort of why I tried to stay away. And also because I didn’t know how to get close. I had totally forgotten how to interact with another human. Let alone a beautiful girl who could easily ruin me, if she wanted to.”

“I would never ruin you.” Waverly whispers, feeling her eyes get teary.

“I know that, baby.” Waverly smiles at the pet name. “And knowing that only makes me like you even more.”

“I like you, too.” Waverly says, biting her lip. “You know, I think we should pick up our date where we left it at earlier and just go over to your place.”

Waverly doesn’t need to say anything else. Nicole’s hands are already tugging the wheel and the car is making a U-turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably my least favourite chapter? Meh. I like the simbolism behind it but it just didn't turn out how I wanted it to.
> 
> Thank you for all the support, by the way! If you ever want to get in touch, I'm usually on twitter @isaidlegs


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/user/stavwithme/playlist/043Au2D2Cu3jqdfOO0I2rM
> 
> twitter @isaidlegs

Waverly follows Nicole inside her room, looking around. It’s a decent size room, probably bigger than her dorm. The first thing that captures her attention is the huge Nirvana poster hanging on the white wall. The next thing is the amount of photographs displayed above Nicole's desk. Waverly steps closer to it, looking at each and every single photograph. There is a couple of them of Nicole and Wynonna and the rest of the group. Most of them, however, consist of Nicole in her soccer jersey and shorts, either holding a trophy or just caught off guard, while running with the ball. There is one photo where she looks about five and Nicole has the biggest smile on her face, dimples all out, and she is holding a football which is practically larger than her head.

Waverly's fingers trace one of the photographs. It seems to be the most recent, since Nicole looks to be wearing the same jersey she was wearing that one time she came home from practice and found Waverly at her place. Waverly distinctly remembers that day. It is hard to forget how attractive Nicole looked. How, even then, Waverly just wanted to kiss Nicole and know what it is to feel her hands on her.

Waverly stops her own thoughts by walking towards Nicole's bookshelf. Two of its shelves are stacked with books, the other two are filled with vinyls. Waverly runs her fingers through them. They go from Bob Dylan to, obviously, Nirvana. "Your music taste is all over the place." Waverly whispers, not accusingly.

"I guess." Nicole shrugs. She is still standing at the door, her hands inside her jeans pockets. Nicole is nervous, it's like Waverly is looking right into her soul when analysing her room. And she just wants Waverly to like it.

Waverly moves on to the top shelf, trophies and medals scattered on it. By this point, Waverly is aware of how much soccer means to Nicole, but she had never realised how good Nicole actually was at it. Winning-trophies-and-medals-good. 

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” Nicole offers and Waverly turns to look at her.

“No, thank you.” Waverly takes a step closer to Nicole. "I love your room."

"You do?"

Waverly nods, stopping again in front of the photographs. She stares at the one of little Nicole, smiling. "You look so happy here." She has known Nicole for about 4 months now and she doesn't recall ever seeing her smile like this. "Are you happy?"

“What?” Nicole is now standing behind Waverly, caught off guard.

“Are you happy?” Waverly repeats, turning to look at the taller woman.

“Yes?”

“I want you happy.” Waverly sighs, bringing her hand up to Nicole’s face. “I think you are one the most amazing person I have ever met. And you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

“Waverly-“

“Don’t deny it. You need to know how special you are. I need you to know how special I think you are and how silly of me it was to not realise how much I actually like you earlier. I feel like I just wasted time, when instead I should have tried harder.”

“I was the one who tried hard to stay away.”

“I never showed you that you didn’t have to.” Waverly’s hand is now on Nicole’s neck. “It's just... You scared me.“

"I scared you?" Waverly was the one that scared Nicole. Ever since the first time she had seen Waverly she had not been able to keep her mind off the girl. Nicole had gotten so used to not caring. And then she stumbled upon Waverly, who made her feel anything and everything, all at the same time. She was the one who was scared.

"Of course you did. I have..." Waverly's hands drop from Nicole's neck. "I had never questioned my sexuality." She whispers. If Nicole wasn't standing so close, she wouldn't have heard it. "It's not like I had never looked at a woman and not been able to see how attractive she is. I would even comment on it. I just never deemed it as sexual attraction. Until I met you." Waverly looks up at Nicole and Nicole nods. 

Nicole remembers what it felt like to realise she was not attracted to men. She realised it at a young age, but it took her a long time to come to terms with it. To understand that there was nothing wrong with her, despite society telling her otherwise. But she remembers. She remembers how conflicted she felt, how long it took for her to accept herself.

"I got so nervous around you, ever since that first time we met. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I got these silly butterflies all over my stomach whenever I saw you. I tried to deny it, at first. You never seemed too pleased to see me, so I guess that made me hide my feelings for longer?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"I know." Waverly grabs Nicole's hand, reassuringly. "I know. I'm just saying... This is all new to me. I sometimes may not know how to act or what to say, but it's not just because you're a girl. I think I have come to terms with that part." Waverly whispers and intertwines their fingers, looking up into Nicole's eyes. "The part that makes me even more nervous, though, is that I have never felt the way I feel about you for anyone. I didn't even think it was possible for me to feel this way about someone. And that scares me."

"I'm scared, too." Nicole confesses, squeezing Waverly's hands. "Waves, I can't say that we will always know what to say or do, but that's okay. Because we will learn. Together. You can always come to me if you're ever in doubt or if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable. I need you to be honest with me and tell me. And little by little we will get better at it and less scared. Okay?"

Waverly nods, placing her hands on Nicole's hips. Their bodies are now touching and it sends shivers down her body. "I think- I think I really like you."

 

Nicole doesn't reply. Instead she leans down and presses her lips against Waverly’s. Nicole is kissing Waverly. Waverly runs her hands to the base of Nicole’s neck and Nicole wraps her arms around Waverly’s waist. The kiss starts off slow, but soo enough Waverly's body is pressed against Nicole’s and Nicole is pulling Waverly up from the floor, Waverly wrapping her legs around Nicole’s waist.

Waverly feels Nicole’s tongue against her bottom lip and she opens her mouth, tasting her. Nicole’s squeezes Waverly’s thighs and walks towards the bed, sitting down with Waverly still wrapped around her.

Waverly smiles into the kiss. For so long now she had imagined what it would feel like to kiss Nicole. She had been craving this for so long that it doesn’t feel real. It is definitely exceeding every expectation she had. Waverly can taste the beer from earlier, but there's something more to it. Nicole also tastes like raspberries and it's the most desirable combination. It makes Waverly weak on the knees and she feels as if she could get high just on this. Nicole’s lips feel soft against hers as they move in their new found synchronicity. The kiss is no longer soft and sweet. It is desperate and passionate.

They are hungry for each other and they want more. They both need more.

Waverly trails kisses down to Nicole’s neck, wanting to explore every inch of her body. Nicole whimpers and squeezes Waverly’s thighs as a reaction and Waverly presses her body harder against the redhead’s. Nicole wraps one arm around Waverly’s waist and turns them around. Waverly is now lying on her back, Nicole’s body over hers, Nicole’s lips on her neck.

Waverly arches her body up against Nicole’s and runs her hands through her hair, a moan escaping her lips as Nicole’s tongue hits a soft spot on her neck. “Fudge nuggets.” She curses under her breath. Nicole pulls away, pressing her lips together in an attempt to hold her laugh in.

“Fudge nuggets?” Nicole questions, laughing.

“Do not make fun of me.” Waverly squints her eyes at Nicole, still panting. 

“I would never.” Nicole is still laughing and Waverly is sitting up, glaring at Nicole.

“You’ve just totally ruined our moment.”

Nicole smirks, running her hand up Waverly’s thigh. “Did I?” 

Waverly gasps when she feels Nicole’s hand on her inner thigh, but still nods her head yes. “Mhm.”

“Well…” Nicole moves Waverly’s hair away from her neck. She leans down, kissing the exposed skin. “That’s too bad, isn’t it?” Waverly closes her eyes, nodding.

Waverly turns her head to meet Nicole’s and they are kissing again. Nicole presses her body down against Waverly. Waverly opens her legs and Nicole positions herself in between them, running one hand to Waverly’s thigh. Waverly is no stranger to sex. She would not say she has a lot of experience, she has only ever been with two guys her whole life. But her body knows exactly how to react to every Nicole's touch. The difference is that she had never felt this kind of electricity before in her life. It's like her whole body is on fire just from Nicole's lips on hers, she can't even imagine what the rest must feel like.

Nicole’s hand slide up under Waverly's torso slowly and she whispers against Waverly's lips. "Is this okay?"

Waverly nods, smiling at Nicole's question. She shivers when she feels Nicole’s fingers on her stomach, pressing her hips up against the redhead. Nicole lowers her head and presses a line of kisses from Waverly’s jaw up to under her ear, whispering. “I want you so bad, Waves.”

Waverly smiles as their mouths meet again, Nicole’s tongue hot in her mouth. Waverly traces down Nicole’s body with her hands, smiling into the kiss. “I want you, too.”

Nicole smiles and starts sliding Waverly’s kimono down her shoulders. "Can I?"

Waverly nods and slightly lifts her back to help slide the jacket off. Nicole’s hand slides back up Waverly’s rib cage, brushing against the wire of the bra she’s wearing. “Do you want me to stop?"

"Please don't." Waverly begs. She bites her lip and shyly grabs Nicole's hand, dragging it so it is cupping her breast.

Nicole is looking at her with want and care. The same feelings she hopes are showing in her eyes. Waverly lifts her arms up, telling Nicole it's okay for her to take her top off. She runs a hand through her hair once Nicole takes her top off and smiles, leaning in to kiss Nicole’s lips. The kiss is softer this time, slower. Waverly tugs at the end of Nicole’s shirt and Nicole lifts her arms up so Waverly can pull it off.

“God, you’re beautiful.” Waverly says, looking at Nicole’s toned body. She roams her shaky hands down Nicole's chest, her fingers slowly tracing Nicole’s abs. “So beautiful.”

Nicole smiles and tops Waverly’s body again, planting kisses all across the exposed skin. She traces Waverly’s bra with her hand, again, her thumb caressing the skin under the bra slowly. Waverly moans against Nicole’s lips, as Nicole rubs her thumb on Waverly's hardening nipple.

"Is this okay?" Nicole asks against the girls lips. Waverly nods and tugs Nicole's hair.

Every inch of Waverly's skin felt like it was on fire. Every touch feels like everything and not enough as Nicole traces kisses down Waverly's neck and cleavage. When Nicole reaches her breasts, she looks up at Waverly, pupils dark, asking for consent.

Waverly nods and bites her lip in antecipation. Nicole slides Waverly's bra off and she moans, feeling Nicole's lips on her newly exposed skin. "Nicole." She whispers, throwing her hips back up into Nicole. Nicole plants kisses along her breasts before sucking on her rose nipple, her fingers paying attention to the other nipple. Waverly presses herself harder against Nicole, looking for some sort of relief to her throbbing center.

Nicole leaned back up and kisses Waverly. Waverly tugged at the girl's bottom lip, soothing the small bite with her tongue before placing soft kisses down Nicole's neck. Waverly wanted more. She needed more, but she was nervous. Sex had never felt like this before and it was visible in her face. "Do you want to stop?" Nicole asks.

"No. I want you." Waverly confesses. She was ready for it, she just didn't know what to do.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I want you, Nicole." Nicole cups Waverly's face and kisses her again. Waverly lays back down, pulling Nicole down with her. She tugs at Nicole’s waistband jeans, asing for permission. Nicole unbuttons her jeans and Waverly slides them down to her knees. Nicole kicks her pants off, pressing her body down against Waverly's jeans.

Waverly sucks on Nicole's neck and the redhead swallows audibly. "We can take it slow." She says, against Waverly's ear. Waverly shakes her head no and smiles, guiding Nicole's hand down to the waistband of her jeans. Nicole unbuttons them and slowly slides them off, running her hands back up Waverly's legs slowly.

"Are you sure?” Nicole repeats, her fingers roaming over the fabric of Waverly’s soaked panties.

Waverly whimpers slightly and nods, begging. “Please.”

Nicole presses her fingers gently against Waverly's panties and Waverly whimpers again. "You're beautiful." Nicole whispers against Waverly's lips, kissing her.

Waverly’s mouth is sweet, with hints of liquor from earlier. Waverly wraps her legs around Nicole’s waist again and there’s a heat that Nicole can feel against her own panties. Nicole tugs at Waverly's panties and looks at the girl. "Can I?"

"Please." Nicole smiles and slides the underwear off of Waverly, kissing the girl's neck. "What do you want, Waves?"

"I want you inside me." Waverly whimpers, closing her eyes as Nicole sucks on her neck.

"Are you sure, Waves?" Nicole was never one to insist. She always asked for consent several times, but with Waverly... They had just started seeing each other and she knew this was all too recent for Waverly. She didn't want to force her into any situation, let alone have her rush into things. She wanted Waverly, badly, and she had no doubt Waverly wanted her. But she also wanted to do it right by Waverly and to have everything happen in its right time. They had time and they should use it. "Baby, we can wait. I can wait."

Waverly sits up, covering herself up with the bed sheet. "Did I... Is something wrong?" Waverly asks. Did she do something wrong? Does Nicole not want her? Is that why she is stopping this?

"Baby," Nicole grabs Waverly's face, looking into her eyes. "I want you so bad. But we have time." She smiles, stroking the girl's cheek with her thumb. "It is taking everything in me not to fuck you right now. God, if only you knew. But this is all new to you."

"Oh."

"And it's new to me, too. I have never felt like this, Waves. I am serious about you." She sighs. She feels like she is hurting Waverly, because the words just aren't coming out right. "I want to take you out on more dates and I just... Want to get to know all of you. I promise you, it will be way more special if we wait a little longer for it."

Waverly looks at Nicole. She felt a little rejected when Nicole stopped them, but she can see Nicole only means well. She knows Nicole is right and that, as much as she wants Nicole right now, they do deserve to get to know each other better before jumping into sex. It will only feel more special once the right moment comes and the fact that Nicole is taking Waverly's feelings so much into consideration makes Waverly like Nicole even more.

"You're right." Waverly nods, grabbing Nicole's hand.

"I am?"

Waverly nods, kissing the redhead's hand. "I do want to have sex with you. But I want more than that and I do think that if we wait a little longer, it will be even more special once it happens."

Nicole smiles and leans in, planting the softest kiss on Waverly's lips. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, please. I did enjoy this sort of makeout sessions." Waverly laughs, blushing.

"I could tell." Nicole smirks, winking.

 

\\\

Nicole wakes up the next morning. She lazily drags her arm across the bed, sighing when her arm doesn’t find Waverly's body anywhere. She opens her eyes and Waverly is nowhere to be found. Nicole gets up and sees Waverly’s clothes still laying on the place where they were tossed into last night. She smiles, memories of last night replaying in her head. After talking and deciding it was best to wait, they laid in bed cuddled together. They stayed up almost all night talking about everything and anything.

Waverly told her more about her mother, her experiences growing up with her aunt and uncle, since she never really knew her father. Her uncle had, unfortunately, passed away too. Waverly told her how she missed home, how it was hard leaving her town to come here but it was easier knowing Wynonna and her friends. She learned that Waverly doesn't like carbonated drinks because she once drank so much coke that she got sick for almost a week. She learned that Waverly was actually fluent in latin and italian and that she hates that she never got to travel. Waverly's biggest dream is to travel and meet every part of the world.

They also talked about Harry Potter, which she discovered Waverly is a big fan of. Waverly made Nicole take the test and they discovered she is a Gryffindor, which apparently Waverly already expected. Waverly told her that she had always thought she was a Ravenclaw, but she was pleasantly surprised when she discovered she was an Hufflepuff. Nicole had no idea what any of that meant, but she loved hearing Waverly excitedly talk about it and explain every detail. Nicole had also promised that one of their next dates would be an Harry Potter marathon, since Nicole had only seen part of the first film.

Despite loving to learn about Waverly, Waverly also wanted to hear Nicole talk. So she did. Nicole told Waverly about her coming out experience, which had not been the greatest. She told Waverly that she told her parents when she was 15 and that they hated her from that moment on, so she ended up living with her grandfather. He had passed away right before at Nicole's last year of high school and lived with a friend of her grandfather until she turned 18. Nicole told Waverly how she missed him everyday and that it was actually weird to talk about him, since she had never really told anyone about him. Nicole told Waverly that the only two constants in her whole life had been soccer and Nirvana, and that she would forever hate the fact that she would never be able to see them perform live.

Nicole smiles, thinking about the past hours and throws a sweater over her head, walking out of the room. She stops at what she finds in the kitchen and leans against the doorway. Waverly is wearing one of Nicole’s sweaters, which falls just above her knees. Her back is facing Nicole as she is cooking something on the stove. She is singing along to “All I want For Christmas Is You” and Nicole doesn’t remember a time when she was as at peace with herself as this moment.

Nicole walks over to Waverly and wraps her arms around her waist, pulling her back against her chest. “Christmas music, uh?” She mumbles into Waverly’s neck, planting a soft kiss.

Waverly smiles, melting into Nicole’s embrace. “It’s less than two weeks for Christmas. I think I am allowed.”

Nicole nods, humming the song as she sways their bodies slightly. “I love seeing my sweaters on you.”

“I feel like all your clothing is Nirvana related.” 

“How is that a bad thing?” Nicole asks, letting go of Waverly so she can pour the eggs on the plates.

Waverly smiles and throws the pan in the sink, turning back to Nicole. She closes the distance between them and kisses her, wrapping her arms around Nicole’s neck. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” Nicole mumbles against her lips, wrapping her arms around Waverly’s waist. “You didn’t have to cook breakfast.”

“I was actually planning on serving it in bed.” She says, blushing.

“Sorry I ruined your surprise. I appreciate it, though." Nicole smiles, planting a soft kiss on Waverly's forehead. "Are we okay?"

“Do you really think I would be here cooking you breakfast if we weren't, silly?” Waverly runs a hand through Nicole’s hair, leaning on her tip-toes to kiss her lips softly. “Everything about last night was amazing, even if we didn't...

"Go all the way through?"

Waverly nods. "You are amazing and just being with you is enough for me.”

“You are really important to me, Waves." Waverly smiles and plants a soft kiss on Nicole's lips, taking her hand.

"Come on, let's eat before it gets cold."

\\\

“You two are disgusting.” Wynonna fills her mouth with a handful of chips.

Waverly pulls away from Nicole and glares at her sister. “Keep that in mind when you decide to suck your boyfriend’s mouth in front of me.”

“Oh, so feisty.” Nicole laughs and gives Waverly one last kiss before going across the bar to serve a client. “So, it seems like things are going well.”

“They are.” Waverly smiles. She and Nicole had had their first date only a week ago, but it seemed like it had been much longer than that. “I was thinking…”

“I can see from all the smoke coming out of your ears.” Wynonna gestures around Waverly’s face.

Waverly rolls her eyes, faking a smile. “Haha. Anyway, I still need to talk to Gus about it, but I wanted to see what you think first.”

“Okay?”

“Nicole doesn’t really have anywhere to go during Christmas break. And I don’t even know if she will want to go, she may think it’s too soon. I mean, it is kind of too soon, but am I just supposed to leave her here and go home knowing she will be spending Christmas alone? Above all she is my friend and what sort of friend would I be if I-“

“Please stop, you’re giving me a headache.” Wynonna shuts her eyes and rubs her temples.

“Sorry. I just was wondering if-“

“Yes, I think it would be nice if Nicole would come home with us for Christmas. I did ask her last year, but she said she had to work.” Wynonna rolls her eyes. "I pretended I believed her excuse."

“Should I ask her? Do you think she'll feel pressured into it?” Waverly asks. Wynonna doesn’t answer her. Instead, she calls Nicole over to their side of the bar and puts on her best smile.

“Haughtshit, you’re going to spend Christmas at Purgatory. Pack your nicest clothes – aka not another one of those Nirvana sweaters – and let your boss know you won’t make it the next two weeks.”

Nicole looks from Wynonna to Waverly. Truth is, she already had those two weeks off. Last year only two people had come to Shorty’s during Christmas break, since everyone had left to go home, so her boss decided to shut them off this year. However, she didn’t know how good of an idea it would be for her to join the Earps at their home and spend all of Christmas break with them. Was it too soon? Wouldn’t it be awkward? She didn't want to impose.

“What my sister means,” Waverly adds, hesitantly “is that we know you’re spending Christmas break alone. And we- I would really love it if you could join us. So you won’t be alone, you know?”

“So I won’t be alone.” Nicole repeats, unsure of what Waverly means.

“It’s settled, then.” Wynonna slams her hand on the bar. “Time for celebratory shots!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smut for you guys. Don't hate me for not taking it all the way through?? It'll be worth it when it's time, I think?
> 
> I always have a hard time writting smut so hopefully it's enjoyable and not cringey.


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